Do you work too hard for love?

You know - do you chase men, try to convince them to be with you, give to you, spend time with you, be affectionate, be available (even when they’re TOTALLY NOT), and basically accept CRUMBS?

If so, don’t be ashamed. I talk to women working too hard for love every single day…

If this is you, you’re not alone. But YOU’VE GOT TO STOP. It won’t get you what you want (it hasn’t yet, right?) and is guaranteed to do the very opposite of what you want…

Because crazy as it sounds, when you work too hard to be loved it actually pushes men away, and guarantees they won’t give you what you want, keeping you single and sad indefinitely.

Possibly forever…

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can turn it all around, and have great men chasing and trying to convince you to be with them! You just have to know how…

Today I talked to a client of mine named Susan.

Susan has a story you may relate to.

She’s been seeing a guy named Tom.

Tom went through a bad divorce a couple of years ago and is hesitant to get too serious - ever again.

He told her that when they met – that he didn’t want anything too serious, and
that he DEFINITELY didn’t want to get married again.

But Susan REALLY liked Tom right away.

So she thought, “I’ll be patient, and play it cool, and we’ll just have fun and
see what happens…”

So what happened?

Fast forward a year and Susan is having a hard time.

Why?

Because she’s MADLY in love with Tom.

They get along GREAT.

They laugh at all the same things.

The sex is the best of her life – and his.

They can talk and talk and talk and talk…

They see each other a few times a week.

They talk every day.

So what’s the problem, you ask?

Tom is STILL saying what he said when they met.

He doesn’t want anything serious.

He won’t meet her kids.

He won’t spend holidays together.

He won’t go away on vacations.

He won’t take her to his work events.

What’s worse, though, is he won’t stop seeing other women…

That’s right - despite them getting along like “two peas in a pod,” Tom doesn’t want to answer to Susan.

He wants to be able to spend time with other women, and come and go as he pleases.

So that “playing it cool” and “being patient” thing isn’t going so good for Susan.

In fact, she’s IN HELL.

And she doesn’t know what to do.

The pat answer you may be thinking is, “Well, DUH. Susan needs to wake up and smell the coffee and DUMP THE CHUMP.”

And that may be true.

But when I work with the Susans of the world I want to REALLY help them. And
telling her to get rid of Tom is only PART of the help she needs.

She also needs to understand the whole picture of her life, and so I looked at her astrology chart to understand WHY she’d be in something like this in the first place.

If Susan just GETS RID of Tom without learning the lesson she needs to know about why she was in this, and how to not do this again, then she’ll likely just find another Tom and DO THIS AGAIN.

How do I know?

Because I’ve seen it over and over.

Susan was married for a long time to a man just like Tom…

He didn’t want to REALLY commit to her, either.

And what did she do with him?

She was patient… she was loving… she tried to CONVINCE him she was lovable, and that their relationship was worth it.

And years and years passed, and she never got his full focus.

She worked too hard in that relationship too!

And in the one before that… and the one before that…

One of my favorite sayings as an astrologer is, “The best predictor of the future is THE
PAST.”

And not just your love life past – your very early past - as in, your family past….

What do I mean by that?

Susan’s FIRST LOVE wasn’t there for her, either.

Her VERY first love - DAD.

He came and went - was hot and cold… was working and absent, and then home and shut down.

Sometimes he was affectionate.

Sometimes he wasn’t.

She learned to tap dance really fast for Daddy…

And try to get him to love her…

And she’s been picking men just like him ever since.

And, amazingly, it’s all in her chart.

Believe it or not, astrology and psychology go hand in hand. (Some of my most loyal, long- time clients are therapists because of this…)

And it can be seen in your stars if you got the love and support in your early child-hood that you needed or not.

And it can even be seen what your relationships were like with each of your parents –mom and dad…

(Because it’s not always “daddy issues” that make women work too hard for love – sometimes it’s because of “mommy issues,” too.)

My favorite thing about being able to see this for someone, is to be able to say to
them, “This wasn’t your fault… Your dad/mom wouldn’t have loved you more if you’d gotten straight A’s or kept your room clean… this was part of your DESTINY and couldn’t have been changed, and is just the deal…”

And they’re so relieved.

Women that didn’t get what they needed from mom and dad fall into one of the “five astrological archetypes of single women”…

They have certain observable, predictable patterns in their stars that cause them to
work WAY too hard in relationships over and over.

Because that’s what feels NORMAL to them. It’s all they’ve ever known.

So, you may now be thinking, “Well, crap, are the Susans of the world just DOOMED to repeat this over and over? What can she do?”

That’s a great question - and I have a great answer.

No, the Susans of the world are NOT doomed to repeat this over and over.

Knowledge is power!

But if they don’t get the knowledge they need and become CONSCIOUS of it all, and find the right solutions to shift out of it, they may be…

They MUST become aware of this part of THEMSELVES that makes them DRAWN to the very men they can’t have.

And then they must know HOW to shift it, and how to stop working so hard.

Because here’s the REAL DEAL you must know about this.

When you accept LESS than the treatment you want from a man, he’ll know it.

And no matter how sweet and loving you are about it, he actually WON’T like that you’re accepting his crumbs.

Now, the selfish part of him will like it just fine.

But the PRIMAL part of him will think, “Yuck. She’s putting MY FEELINGS ahead of her own. And that means she’s a door mat. And that means she doesn’t like herself very much. And that’s REALLY unattractive. If SHE doesn’t like her, why would I like her?”

He wouldn’t…

And so the MORE you compromise what you want for him, the LESS he’ll want you.

I promise you, it’s THAT simple.

(Why didn’t anyone teach us THAT ONE in high school???)

So, what can you do?

One of THE MOST important things a woman needs to learn to do.

FIND OUT what a man wants - EARLY ON. Like before you’ve handed him your heart and soul… (and your best lingerie as it’s flying off your body… :))

And MAKE SURE it matches what you want.

And if it doesn’t, then put what you want FIRST in your priorities, and MOVE ON.

No matter how good you feel with that man, and how compatible you may be.

Susan and Tom would have been fine together if she also was just looking for something casual.

But she wasn’t.

She was looking for a husband… or at least a serious boyfriend to be part of her children’s lives, and spend holidays with, and go on vacations with… and be monogamous with…

As SOON as he said he didn’t want anything serious, she should have believed him, and
said, “Well, it seems we’re looking for different things. I’m looking for a full relationship. If you ever decide you’re up for that - let me know. Otherwise, be well and good luck to you.”

And then she should have STOPPED SEEING HIM.

Now, he didn’t need to know right away that he wanted a serious relationship with HER.

But he should have been open to the idea and then figured out if he wanted one with
her or not fairly quickly. (Like within six months…)

I’ve seen women like Susan give relationships like this YEARS and YEARS and YEARS… and they NEVER end up with what they want.

I’ve seen it be truly tragic - they wait out their fertility, and their best years to find someone else.

And it DOESN”T have to be this way.

(Can you tell this makes ME as crazy as it does my clients???)

Don’t work so hard for love.

As soon as you find that you’re not getting what you need, that you’re not “on the same page” as a man, that you’re waiting and waiting for him to want what you want - you’re with the wrong man.

And I really don’t care how much you love him or how great he is - or how great you are together.

Leave.

He may then realize he wants YOU more than the thing he said he wanted.

And then he may be back.

That happens all the time, too.

But only take him back if he ACTUALLY gives you what you said you wanted.

And DO NOT take him back if he says, “I’m open to it - some day… Let’s see how it goes…”

That’s a bunch of HOG WASH.

That’s code for, “Can I get her back and STILL not do what she’s asking for? I think I can get away with this, because she’s been so weak before…”

And you’ll still wait years for him to NEVER come around.

And you’ll still have put what he wants first.

(You AND his unacceptable terms… You know, his cake and the chance to EAT IT, TOO, while you get no goodies…)

Here’s the good news:

It’s a big world full of great men who will want what you want - and will work hard
for it!

Most women do exactly the opposite of what works with men - bringing to him all of their disappointment, criticism, and unhappiness…

Which just makes a man feel bad around you and uninspired, and likely to give even LESS.

Find out if the man you’re with can be a better man - by leading the way to a better love, as well as a bunch of cool other stuff, (like his planetary personality type, if he’s astrologically afflicted and what that means, his level of maturity, if he’s astrologically masculine or feminine and how to best relate to him depending on which, and more…).

And, as ever, may God and his planets and stars shower you with EASY love!